sois toujours heureuse, mon enfant-dieu

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 19:43:51 GMT

here for future ramblings of yours truly

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:27:59 GMT

i have a half-inch-long cut on my knuckle from my toenail.

i feel you all should know this seeing as it's the most fucking ridiculous thing that's happened to me today.

i feel pissy.

it's bleeding.

my toenail. i mean, wtf??

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 14:29:11 GMT

in case you don't really have a grip on how FUCKING BORED i am right now:

SmarterChild: How old are you?
ssspazmatic: thirty-seven.
SmarterChild: Cool.
ssspazmatic: why did you need to know?
SmarterChild: Because I wanted to.
ssspazmatic: how would the way you acted change with my age?
SmarterChild: You know how.
ssspazmatic: that's a really lame cop-out
SmarterChild: That is a really lame cop out? You think so?
ssspazmatic: so is that
SmarterChild: So is that? What do you make of that?
ssspazmatic: you need to be reprogrammed
SmarterChild:

                       XXXX
                         X``X
              XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
               XX                      XX
              XX     XX    XX     XX
               XX                       XX
               XX XX         XX   XX
               XX       XXXX       XX
       XX   XX                     XX   XX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
X      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX       X
XXXXXXXXX        XX           XXXXXXXXX
    XXXXX         XXXXX       XXXXXXXX
      XXX               XX         XXXXXXXX
      XXXXXX        XX          XXXXXXXX
      XXX               XX         XXXXXXXX
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
          XXX                      XXX
        XXXXX                XXXXX

best comeback ever

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 13:17:37 GMT

BirdComix: i want to be ron.
BirdComix: ron is so cute
BirdComix: harry is just an emo fucker
ssspazmatic: exactly
ssspazmatic: i thought you'd fit the discription
BirdComix: ..
BirdComix: ouch
BirdComix: ouch.
ssspazmatic: ice burrrrrnnnn

!!

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:14:56 GMT

my baaaccccckkkkkk aaaaccchhhheeesssss

i am on harry potter number five (said in a tone reminiscent of the guy in the beginning of "mambo numba' five" aka with relish).

i want to be in new york city. there are things i want to be doing. this is upsetting

oh well this is probably what my life will be like from now on

not a bad job, akchully, fixing computers, pays well (when you're not a minor and getting min. wage) and is fun. and independent. i could work on my symphony in my free time

speaking of which i'm writing a symphony!

now what d'you say to that? (said in a tone reminiscent of jack sparrow).

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:18:00 GMT

my cartilige piercing has begun to smell strongly of rotted bleu cheese dressing.

something tells me this is bad.

anyway.

if you feel like it comment with one word. i'm collecting words. for poems.

when i get forty i will make a poem.

please be generous.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:58:23 GMT

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=7

i think pretty much everyone needs to see this.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 01:23:45 GMT

i just walked into my mom's room and on her computer, as the screensaver, is a huge picture of a dead, half-rotten, dismembered horse.

(she has it set so it runs through all the pictures on the computer, which i guess includes the ones of dead horses i took hiking in the grand canyon.)

just made my day.

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:50:38 GMT

this is really weird. like, it's actually really creeping me out right now.

i just found a fifty dollar B&N gift certificate in my wallet and i have no idea what it's from. i even went so far as to ask my dad because i had recently got a fifty dollar card for my birthday but i'd asked dad to hold onto until i wanted it (so i wouldn't lose it). but he still had it.

so where did it come from?

and it's not like it's just seven bucks, oh, it could have been from anywhere, no, it's fifty and it has all fifty dollars on it.

hell, there's no way i'm complaining XD but i'm a little creeped out. it kind of feels like my memory's going bad or something. :/

this brings me to a grand total of seventy b&n dollars found in the past month.

maybe god is compensating me for the acne.

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:46:35 GMT

i make really bad jokes. all the time. i'm just beginning to realize it in full.

for instance.

me willow and jessica fuck grammar were just talking and someone said PELICAN and someone said DID YOU SAY ELEPHANT? and someone said OLLIEFANT! and then i said MICROSOFT WORD FONT.

i think i am slightly retarded.

what is more pathetic is that said "friends" assured me that this joke was totally average coming from my mouth and that i've made far worse jokes than that over the years.

but if i can't remember the other awful jokes then doesn't that mean i didn't know they were bad at the time even though other people did which means i'm pretty stupid?

english final soon haha if only i could hand this entry in instead./

Sat, 19 May 2007 23:39:21 GMT

Who ever said celebrity gossip journalism wasn't a work of art?

"Optimists note that the reduction in slammer-time will allow the famous-ish singer that more time to prepare for her much-anticipated second album. Interestingly, pessimists note the same thing!"

Wed, 09 May 2007 20:35:00 GMT

Men often misinterpret a woman's innocent smile or compliment as a sexual come-on--but why? Gender stereotypes imply that men are socialized to oversexualize the world. But research suggests there are real evolutionary reasons that men and women get their signals crossed.

In two studies reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Martie G. Haselton, Ph.D., and David M. Buss, Ph.D., both University of Texas-Austin psychology professors, asked over 500 college students to picture themselves on a date. The students then used imagined acts like holding hands or giving compliments to rate their companion's and their own sexual interest and level of commitment.

The researchers discovered that men tended to overestimate women's sexual interest, while women underestimated men's willingness to commit. But interestingly enough, both men and women were more accurate in rating women's commitment levels, and when asked to imagine that the sexual target was their sister, men rarely misread sexual intent.

So why do men and women misjudge only certain cross-sex signals? They're adaptive biases, say the researchers. According to the theory of natural selection--in which only the fittest survive--males who falsely inferred a woman's sexual interest stood to gain descendants, and lost little if the woman was a suitable mate. "For ancestral men, it was more costly to miss a reproductive opportunity" than to face rejection, Haselton explains. But females who were abandoned after consenting to sex suffered far greater consequences: pregnancy, reduction in mate value and having to raise a child alone. "For women, it was more costly to be deceived by men, so selection favored skeptical women," he says, leading to their continued skepticism about men's willingness to commit.

Buss, who explores jealousy in his most recent book, suggests scientists rethink the notion that human psychological mechanisms are always designed to be logical. "We're arguing that they're designed to be biased," he explains, particularly when it comes to issues of trust.

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:34:39 GMT

MY FISH IS EATING!!!! like, it actually ate something and didn't spit it out and then ate another one! i'm so happy, and i'm really relieved. i was really sure it was just going to die but no!!!!

chutzpah jessica neil russ, jewfish extraordinaire:
2007 - apocalypse.

today a newspaper page followed me home

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:22:03 GMT

1. cut my hair rather drastically in the shower -- almost pixie-ish, and accidental bangs.
2. found a b&n gift certificate with 20 bucks on it in the school hallway.
3. got thoroughly licked (more than ususal, if that's possible) by dog.
4. listened to the blood brothers all day. am in a very invigorating mood.

yesterday:

1. went to hear piano teacher's other student play at carnegie hall. went in earlier, wandered around, bought twenty bucks worth of jewelery at a street fair.
2. discovered that metro card was empty.
3. walked thirty-seven blocks in thirteen minutes.

oh man, do i win at life.

CHUTZPAH!!!!

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 01:44:07 GMT

innee beautiful??? he's a japanese fighter fish and i won him today at school

because i don't feel like typing it out again

fairyofwallpaper: how did
fairyofwallpaper: youfairyofwallpaper: win
fairyofwallpaper: him?
ssspazmatic: by spelling out "platypi" by throwing ping pong balls into cups of water with letters on them
fairyofwallpaper: where was this? XDD
ssspazmatic: the earth day celebration!
ssspazmatic: i was a total bitch about it too
ssspazmatic: this other girl tried to get it
ssspazmatic: because she did a longer word
ssspazmatic: but i was like NO I HAVE MORE POINTS FUCK OFF
ssspazmatic: and i got it
fairyofwallpaper: hahahaha
fairyofwallpaper: niceeeee
fairyofwallpaper: how
fairyofwallpaper: where
fairyofwallpaper: are you keeping
fairyofwallpaper: it?
ssspazmatic: in my pillowcase
ssspazmatic: o.o
ssspazmatic: in a fishbowl retard
fairyofwallpaper: no
fairyofwallpaper: where in your house
fairyofwallpaper: hahaha "where are you keeping it"
fairyofwallpaper: "like in your dog cage lol"
ssspazmatic: the dog actually tried to eat it
ssspazmatic: or its food
ssspazmatic: we couldn't tell
ssspazmatic: it's odd
ssspazmatic: it eats the food
ssspazmatic: does this weird thing with its mouth like it's chewing
ssspazmatic: and then spits it back out whole
ssspazmatic: eats it again
ssspazmatic: and repeats.
ssspazmatic: very odd
fairyofwallpaper: ...
fairyofwallpaper: O.o
fairyofwallpaper: Is this normal behavior? XD
ssspazmatic: yes actually
ssspazmatic: XD
ssspazmatic: they're very weird fish.
fairyofwallpaper: how do they survive?
ssspazmatic: they're just picky
ssspazmatic: it says it takes them a bit to eat new food
ssspazmatic: seems retarded to me
fairyofwallpaper: that's not very evolutionarily
ssspazmatic: if you weigh less than half an ounce you should probably eat what you get
ssspazmatic: no, they're not. :P

haha you can hear my dog in the background

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 22:29:48 GMT

i love spam

____________

Hey there Miranda!

OEM.COM!!!!!!!
PHOTOSHOP! WORD! EXCEL! CLICK!

Some folk want their luck buttered.
Seek peace, and pursue it. [Proverbs 34:14]
The most important thing you wear is the expression on your face
It shows a brave and resolute spirit not to be agitated in exciting circumstances.
Don't just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.
Every failure made me more confident. Because I wanted even more to achieve as revenge. To show that I could.
Men, for the sake of getting a living forget to live.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear.
You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
The highest happiness of man is to have probed what is knowable and quietly to revere what is unknowable.
To innovate is not to reform.
For neither man nor angel can discern hypocrisy, the only evil that walks invisible, except to God alone.

love,
shirley

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 01:23:07 GMT

wall of my room! edward hopper yo haha i look fucking rich from this picture

floor of my room (some of it)

wooden fish i found in greece

aren't they all beautiful?

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 00:52:20 GMT

update: there is a cut on my arm and it was bleeding and is now a scab and i've been trying to place the smell of it all day and i just realized, it smells like my grandparents' old house out in queens

which is odd, isn't it

she keeps her moet & chandon in a pretty cabinet (DUNNUHDUH)

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 00:25:02 GMT

wow. today was one of those amazing days, you know? which is odd because it was my sixteenth birthday, and normally birthdays are hugely unsatisfying and depressing, but today was kind of amazing.

well. it started awfully. i had this long really complicated dream where i was living near my old house only everything was different and there were these huge stone houses and no river and we were in Italy like a hundred years ago. and there was a horrible fire and my nephew got locked in the house. and i was back in the house and i had this weird thought "should i get some of my souveniers from my suitcase? nah" and then i walked back past this room where my nephew was and i heard him talking and sounding kind of worried but i knew the fire was in there so i left him there and walked down the stairs because my mom told me not to got in and save him -- something about how the ceiling was too low and we would both die if i went in, even though that made no sense (but it kind of did in the dream). and then my parents disappeared and i forget who i was with, but we wandered around for a while and there was this whole other complicated part and we were wandering around this old italian church and stuff and trying to get food and sleep but we weren't supposed to be there and it was flooding. and then i ended up in the country somehow on a highway (might have been U.S. by then) and i had a machine gun and i was shooting anyone who drove under this highway bridge that i was next too with this red car and i was really upset and when the police caught up to me i was sobbing because i'd left my one year old nephew in a burning building and it was my mom's fault and i wanted to die and so other people should too.

i woke up with that awful guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to scream at someone and burst out crying. bits of it sound funny but it was really all serious and all really horrible and depressing. :/

ANYWAY

MOVING ON

after what might have been the worst dream of my life, my day got amazing! here's what happened:

1. the presentation i've been freaking out about went so well that the teacher gave me extra credit.
2. my friends put in an announcement over the loudspeaker to say happy birthday (from pipa, felicity, columbia, and captain jack sparrow -- don't ask)
3. the attendance guy caught up to me randomly in the hallway to give me a letter saying that i've been nominated for this government leadership academy for medicin by my french teacher (wtf????)
4. my math teacher told me that my marking period grade -- which had been a 79 when i last checked with him, right before we went on vacation -- magically went up to an 87 (AN 87!!!!!!) because he'd found a test he'd lost that i'd gotten a 90 on!
5. saw the school production of HAIR which was reaaaalllly fun.
6. at home, it turned out that the trip to greece wasn't a birthday present but a sweet sixteen present, which means i got presents!
7. got a beautiful notebook, hand stitched!!!! with this beautiful map on the front of all these dragons and monsters and compasses and things which i LOVE and the forms are bumpy, you know? and it's SO COOL this is almost the best: i got a really professional, top-notch marble rolling pin. the kind that you can chill before you roll out pastries so they keep their temperature and don't get messed up and my mom knows i hate that and it always happens becasue i use my dad's wine bottles normally! god it's so beaufiul. real marble. amazing action. fucking sif;oaw84y;eo8sd neil gaiman book! exitado! and HOLY SHIT B&N GIFT CERTIE FROM MY UNCLE AHHHHH also this weird really cool used book from my mom that's like the backstory to jane eyre (about the mad wife) except it's like fifty or seventy years old, which is really cool. it has all these illegible pencil notes in it too which is so awesome
8. speaking of wines, my dad opened a moet & chandon :) which i am such a sucker for, oh my god. i got to pop the cap too and i did it perfectly with a nice solid PLOP

holy shit mothafocka

also, apparently my sister and brotherinlaw got our whole family a webcam!

this is really pleasant surprise, i really wasn't looking forward to my birthday!

(oh, and my mom put 18 candles on by mistake XD the cake was russian with bits of chocolate and apricot jam and layers of marzipan in it i swear, those cakes are probably my favorite thing about my mother, that and all the copies of thoreau and robinson crusoe and arabian nights and rip van winkle and aesop's fables that were published in the 1820's that i could sit and stare at for hours i am babbling!)

don't read this unless you have time to read it slowly.

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 00:49:48 GMT

Everything is on a point of decline, and only the weeds flourish: bindweed strangles the shrubs, the yellow roots of nettles creep onward in the soil, burdock stands a whole head taller than oneself, brown rot and greenfly are everywhere, and even the sheets of paper on which one endeavors to put together a few words and sentences seem covered in mildew. For days and weeks on end one racks one's brains to no avail, and, if asked, one could not say whether one goes on writing purely out of habit, or a craving for admiration, or because one knows not know how to do anything other, or out of sheer wonderment, despair or outrage, any more than one could say whether writing renders one more perceptive or more insane. Perhaps we all lose our sense of reality to the precise degree to which we are engrossed in our own work, and perhaps that is why we see in the increasing complexity of our mental constructs a means for greater understanding, even while intuitively we know that we shall never be able to fathom the imponderables that govern our course through life. Does one follow in Holderlin's footsteps, simply because one's birthday happened to fall two days after his? Is that why one is tempted time and again to cast reason aside like an old coat, to sign one's poems and letters "your humble servant Scardanelli", and to keep unwelcome guests who come to stare at one at arm's length by addressing them as Your Excellency or Majesty? Does one begin to translate elegies at the age of fifteen or sixteen because one has been exiled from one's homeland?

I don't know if any of you will like this at all. You probably won't like it actually. I could understand people hating it. But for me, it's just one of those passages where i read it over and over again and i just think wow,, i completely get what they're saying. completely. i just know this. i try to say this every single day and here they are, saying it.

from The Rings of Saturn by W. G. Sebald.

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 16:03:26 GMT

he also calls me auntie blue

XD

AND OMG

he can't say two consonants if one's an r

so "truck" is "fuck"

"I WANT MY FUCK I WANT MY FUCK!"

"lookit lookit big fuck! dump fuck! dump fuck!"

oh my god i love him

also "crackers" is "fockers" so "more crackers" is

"MOFOCKAS MOFOCKAS"

he's a right gangsta yeah????????

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 00:07:17 GMT

ps my nephew now calls me uncle susan

>>

THAT IS HILARIOUS

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 23:13:54 GMT

just had to add this

my nephew (who calls trucks "fucks" as in "i want a fuck" or "look! dump fuck! DUMP FUCK!") walked up the stairs and insisted on picking up a penny.

I AM SO PROUD OF HIM

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:05:15 GMT

so we were driving home from my grandparents' seder along the waterfront and we pass the emprire state building. it's all red. and the first thought that jumps into my mind is "holy shit, they made the empire state building red for the blood of the first-born!"

(you know you're jewish when...)

ps wtf

just after i clicked submit

i just saw an add saying

"best jewish blog contest"

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:55:48 GMT

i am as tired as a fish.

no, that's not right.

i am as tired as a tired fish? can fish be tired?

whatever, i am as tired as a fish after it is dead.

HONK

ps new favorite phrase: multiple octopuses.

also my name can be rearranged to say lesbian. or dinosaur. or "the sure lass is zanbu". not sure what that means. but hey, yo.

people annoy me.